


To All The Gentleman I've Loved Before

by Pennyfeatherington



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies), To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han
Genre: Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before Fusion, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Historical, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Love, Love Letters, Regency, Regency Romance, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:06:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29025447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pennyfeatherington/pseuds/Pennyfeatherington
Summary: A reimagining of To All The Boys I've Loved Before set in the Regency era.Every time Lara Jean Covey has fallen in love, she'd write a letter to them. Though she never sent them, each one held the exact words describing how she felt about each of them. As each letter was sealed, her feelings were locked away with them. When all the letters mysteriously get sent to each gentleman, Lara Jean must figure out how to save her reputation.Peter Kavinsky, Duke of Adler, is in desperate need of a wife. Unhappy with Peter's rakish lifestyle, Peter's father decides that Peter will not receive his inheritance till he has cleaned up his act. Only to regain his inheritance, Peter has decided to show his father he is able to settle down. Unwilling to deal with the scheming mamas of the ton, his prayers are suddenly answered when he receives a love letter from a lady he once shared an intimate moment with.
Relationships: Peter Kavinsky & Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 17
Kudos: 94





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've always loved historical romance novels, and after watching Bridgerton (3 times I might add) and watching the trailer to Always and Forever, Lara Jean, I just felt so inspired. Let me know if you want more!

The moment Lara Jean had walked into her first ball, she was mesmerized. Everyone in their finest gowns, all the delectable desserts, and the music was divine. Not that she’d had much comparison to her previous life, Lara Jean just knew this was what it meant to be at the height of society. This was what she’d always wanted to be a part of. Before her father inherited his title, she’d never dreamed she’d be able to live life with such glamour. That was until Lara Jean began to see what it really meant to be a lady in high society. A lot of the other girls didn’t seem to like Lara Jean, and the gentleman she had met found her quirky, but not in a way that encouraged them to keep her company. Though it was lovable and endearing to her family, society deemed Lara Jean a wallflower.

The music was blaring and ladies all around her had been asked to dance. Her sister had even been asked to dance! By a lord no less!! She had been looking forward to her first ball for months but when the time finally arrived she had realized that the dream she had conjured had been just that.

A dream.

It hadn’t occurred to Lara Jean just how much time she spent with her sister, till her sister had gone and left her to flirt with an earl. After spending a good portion of the night secretly eating little cakes and not being asked to dance, Lara Jean decided she needed a breath of fresh air. She wandered the halls of Adler Manor without realizing that she was no longer hearing the music or seeing guests. She had a tendency to do that. Her father liked to call her a balloon for the way she naturally drifted off into the sky. She believed she’d never seen ceilings so high in her life. 

Lara Jean had always been the girl who always spoke a little too fast and a little too much. She wasn’t wealthy enough to justify any eccentricity, and she wasn’t pretty enough to be wanted as a trophy wife. Most times she’d delighted in living in her fantasy, but today reality had settled in a bit too comfortably and it was all she could ponder. 

She walked until she could find a way outside. It was not proper for a girl to be alone, but the ballroom had felt terribly stuffed and she definitely wasn’t important enough for someone to realize she was missing. Her family had grown used to the way she wandered off but never seemed to worry about her causing scandal.

When she finally made it outside, she walked into what looked like a woven arch. The fountain had looked lovely in the moonlight, and she couldn't help but make her way to smell the roses on the bushes that stood near them.

“You know, if your plan was to trap me into marriage, the ballroom is on the other side of the estate. I’m afraid all your witnesses are otherwise engaged,” The bass of his voice had shaken Lara Jean, and she was awakened from her trance.

“Oh dear, I must have been dazed. That happens to me sometimes, I was just so entranced by the…” Lara Jean found her eyes meeting with the man who also seemed to be on a nightly stroll.

_He was a man...and a handsome one at that._

“...garden.” 

She could barely get the word out and she had to tilt her head just to get a proper look at him. How did she not see him? She might have mistaken him for the greek statues that surround the garden! Initially, she had been struck by how massive he was compared to her, but then she saw just how handsome this stranger was. His curly brown hair was tousled but it made her want to brush her hands in them. Oh to be the woman who gets to grasp his hair _...don’t be so wicked, Lara Jean!_

“Though I have no idea why you would be in my garden when the ballroom is where all the guests are, I wouldn’t mind us staying here for the rest of the night.” He smirked at her and began to take a seat at the fountain just a few steps away from her.

“ _Your_ garden?” Lara Jean had finally put it together, and gasped, “Please accept my apologies, your grace. I only meant to have a breath of fresh air and then I was completely taken by how beautiful your garden is. Then I imagined what it would be like to read out here and drink tea and picnic with my sisters…”

As usual, Lara Jean was lost in her imagination. Which timed perfectly with the fact that she had just trespassed onto the Duke's garden during a ball.

“I will see myself out,” she spoke quickly and motioned herself to exit.

Before Lara Jean could leave the area, The Duke’s voice had stopped her.

“I can’t take credit for the garden. My mother tends to it as much as she can, and our gardeners do the majority of the maintenance,” He informed her.

In the very brief period of time he had been in her acquaintance, he was intrigued.

_What was a young lady doing away from the soiree?_

She was a beautiful young woman, with a petite, voluptuous figure. Maybe it was the moonlight against her skin, or the brandy he had just downed before talking his stroll, but his garden had never looked more beautiful than when she was in it. He suddenly began to ache with need as he thought more and more about her figure.

“It’s only right that I get an introduction from my intruder, don’t you think? I’m sure we have yet to be introduced. For I believe I would remember meeting someone like you.” Lord Kavinsky stood up and picked a random flower from a bush nearest him. He kept his distance so as to not put any more fear in her, but stretched his arm across to hand it to her. 

Lara Jean accepted the small gift and the fluttering in her stomach only worsened. She had never received flowers before, but she remembered when her governess had received flowers from her suitor. She almost began to understand why her governess had left them to marry the gentleman in the first place.

Without realizing she hadn’t responded to him yet, he continued “Alright, I will begin. I am Peter Kavinsky, Duke of Adler and you are?”

He bowed, leading Lara Jean to curtsy.

“I am Lara Jean Covey and my father is a baron. He only just recently inherited a title.”

“So this is your first season?” He asked.

“Yes. My sister is two and twenty and I am one and twenty. Though because of our ages, and society’s aversion to our new status, I don’t think anyone anticipates our success for the season, but we’re trying to remain optimistic.”

“You shan’t have trouble finding a suitable match. Your father may be a baron, but I assume you have a dowry and in the short time we’ve spoken, I can already tell you’d make agreeable company.”

“A ‘suitable’ match wouldn’t be my definition of a successful season, your grace.”

“And what may I ask, is your definition of a successful season?” He was becoming more and more interested in this mysterious woman.

“Love.” she couldn’t look him in the eyes as she said this, so she kept her eyes glued to the flower he handed her, “and passion.”

Peter began to close the distance between them, and it caused her to stiffen. He had no business wanting a woman who needed love. The man was an absolute scoundrel for even thinking of it, but he lusted for her body. He knew could not provide her love, but he believed he could provide her with the latter.

“Please do not fear me, my lady, for I do not intend to cause you any harm. Only that I'd like a closer look.”

“It is not fear that has me reacting so, but that my nerves…I have yet to be in the singular company of someone who is so…”

She’d never been at a loss for words. One of her issues was that she almost always said too much! There were a handful of words Lara Jean could’ve used, but what came out of her mouth, she wished had stayed there. 

“...manly.”

Suddenly a guffaw echoed through the bushes.

“Do not tease me, my lord. You cannot feign ignorance of the effect you have on women!”

“Oh I’m quite aware of the fact, but I’m more interested in the effect I have on you, Ms. Covey.” without realizing it, he was close enough to lightly grasp her hand. Leaning forward he placed a kiss onto her gloved hand. The skin of her hand burned for the raw touch of his lips. As if he could read her mind, he gently began tugging as the tips of her gloves till the satin slid right off her arm and then her wrist to the tips of her fingers.

He pressed another kiss on her hand and another on her palm. Feeling his tongue graze the thin skin on her wrist left her feeling like liquid. She couldn’t help the ache that caused her to squeeze her thighs together. Her body had a mind of its own and she agreed with it. With her other hand, she thoughtlessly began to caress his sharp jawline until her thumb ran down his neck. She felt him swallow beneath her fingers, and she felt herself pull into him as if it was him that was the center of her gravity. He wanted to give her all the control, because he knew she was innocent, but he could no longer help it. He had to taste her.

Lara Jean couldn’t believe what was happening, but decided to go with her instincts. Their lips had collided with such heat and eagerness. She had an urge to push her core into his as she felt his tongue push its way into her mouth. She needed to be closer, but she didn’t know how. The heat of his fingertips on her bare skin fired a need in her that she did not understand.

She didn’t want this to end, but she felt the truth of the situation overcome her. If anyone walked in at this moment, she was sure to be ruined. Margot and Kitty would surely be ruined by association. She knew nothing would come of this moment with the Duke. He was a duke and she was barely a proper lady. She was aware of his reputation as a rake, but while the dream of her first ball had disappointed her, she reveled in the passionate memory she’d created. It may have been wicked but nonetheless it was a fantasy come to life. 

Peter could feel the chill of the night air on his fingers as they parted from the grasp of her waist. It was only right that he apologized. It was wrong for him to kiss her, but he couldn’t apologize for it. He refused to allow either of them to think of this moment as a mistake. The look in her eyes proved she wasn't sorry either. 

She pulled away from him and began towards the door. 

“I think it is time we part, your grace. My father and my sister might be looking for me.”

Struggling to put her glove back on, she gave her skirts a light brush, curtsied and ran back inside his home.

No words were ever passed between them since that night.

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  



	2. Margot's Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean learns to deal with the aftermath of her sister's departure

Lara Jean Covey had always been a romantic for as long as she could remember. In these times, marriages usually occurred for the sake of finances and propriety, but her parents had an unconventional marriage of their time. 

A love match. 

When they married, her father was a physician and her mother was the daughter of a peer, but her parents rarely spoke of how they came to be. Mysteries aside, that no longer mattered now that her father had inherited a title. She had always admired the love her parents had for each other and wished that for herself more than anything. Unfortunately, only a year after her first season, the Covey girls had lost their mother to consumption. They had almost feared the loss of their father, because they knew just how much he loved her. 

Though it remains unspoken, Lara Jean, Margot and Kitty all agreed that they would make their father’s life as easy as they could. Once in a while they even teased him about just how lucky he was to have such well behaved girls. Margot took over as many duties as she could as the eldest lady in the family. She only had the most basic knowledge of running a household from her mother, but with the help of the staff and Margot’s natural determination, she had inevitably succeeded. She even had leftover time to teach Lara Jean everything she knew for when her own time came. Even though she missed her mother dearly, Lara Jean was always thankful she never lacked a strong female influence.

Deep in their hearts, they knew that someone as perfect as Margot Covey couldn’t possibly be a spinster. So when Margot received an offer from the Earl of Newbrugh, as the eldest daughter she had no choice but to accept. He was a kind man, and was actually besotted with Margot. Who wouldn’t be? She had every grace and charm of a proper lady, but she was also beautiful and intelligent. Lara Jean wouldn’t be so against the match if it hadn’t been for Josh Sanderson.

“I still cannot believe you married him, Margot. You do not love him! You love Josh!” Lara Jean wanted to yell, but knew her new brother-in-law hadn’t been too far from their room. Josh Sanderson was a local teacher and a close childhood friend of the Covey family. Him and Margot had been in love with each other since the beginning of their friendship. Before her father’s title, it was assumed Margot and Josh would marry someday, but with title came responsibility. He didn’t have much in the way of means, so when he had proposed to Margot, they shouldn’t have been surprised at her response.

“I cannot...I do not love Josh any longer,” Margot spoke sternly but quietly as she packed her remaining items, “Lord Lahiri...Ravi is a good man with a great fortune. I believe we’ll suit each other very well.”

“But what about love?” Lara Jean spoke sadly. No one understood Lara Jean the way Margot did, and so Margot sat beside her on the bed and pulled her sister into an embrace. 

“As the eldest, it is my duty to marry someone with wealth, status and connections. I’ve found that in Lord Lahiri, but he is also a kind, agreeable man. In the discussion of our engagement, I’ve requested he provide you and Kitty with much more tempting dowries,” Margot explained, but Lara Jean knew all this already. She just couldn’t help the way she felt about this situation. Suddenly, Margot placed her hands on Lara Jean’s shoulder making sure they were looking eye to eye.

“Lara Jean I need you to understand that I’m doing this for you and for our family. You are now free to marry for love or not marry at all if that’s what you choose. I now have the means to make sure that you and Kitty will always be taken care of.”

She thought she began to see Margot tear up but instead Margot swallowed in an attempt to hold everything in.

“There may have been a time I loved Josh, but there will never be a moment where I don’t love you and Kitty. You two will always be first in my heart,” Margot spoke sternly, but the care in her words was not lost.

That did it. Consistent with Margot’s personality, she stayed strong and held Lara Jean in her arms as she cried. She didn’t know what to say, but like sisters they understood each other, and nothing more on the subject needed to be said.

They began to talk about an upcoming ball that Lara Jean would have to attend. Her father would be escorting her, but that usually meant she’d spend most of her time alone. Margot’s social manner was more agreeable to high society than Lara Jean’s was. Lara Jean abhorred small talk and others always found her topics of discussion strange.

“This will be a great opportunity for you to make new friends, and meet new people.” Margot’s attempt at comforting Lara Jean was failing them both. The words were an attempt at positivity, but it didn’t do a flicker to her confidence at all. 

“I’m a wallflower, Margot! I don’t know how I’m going to do this without you. Everybody thinks I’m peculiar.”

“That’s because you are peculiar,” Margot’s eyes rolled, “but there will be a gentleman who loves that about you the most. I just know it.”

This time it was Lara Jean’s turn to roll her eyes. She may have been a romantic but she didn’t anticipate meeting her true love at a society gathering. She would meet him at the book shop, or in a bakery! Or somewhere romantic like the seaside!

“You’ll do just fine without me. We’ll write all the time! You’ll be a wonderful influence for Kitty. You’re exactly what she needs. She’ll be too busy keeping you grounded to cause a ruckus herself.”

Lara Jean hugged her sister one last time and a very small piece of her believed that if she never let go, she would never have to watch her sister leave. Margot returned her grip with as much love and warmth as she could provide before her farewell.

“I wish you didn’t have to live so far away,” Lara Jean lamented.

“Me either,” Margot half smiled,” “but we will be back for Christmas.”

“For what it’s worth, I think Mama would have liked Ravi,” Lara Jean said softly. Margot smiled sweetly and lightly nodded in agreement.

Interrupted by a polite but intrusive entrance, Lord Ravi opened the door to what used to be Margot’s bedroom.

“It’s time for us to depart, my love,” Ravi held his hand out and gave Margot the warmest smile. The way he looked at her held so much more than just infatuation. If Margot hadn’t been so reserved in her affections, she’d have a hard time believing this wasn’t a love match after all. Lara Jean almost felt as if she was intruding on them rather than the other way around! Margot squeezed her sister’s hand one more time before leaving.

Her Father, and Kitty had joined them to bid farewell. Margot held each member of her family for a moment just before leaving and though her goodbye was bittersweet, they had to trust she would be happy with her new husband.

“Can we come visit you, Margot?” Kitty asked excitedly.

“Of course! I’d be upset if you didn’t.” Margot kissed the top of Kitty’s head, and returned her hand to her husband.

“We would love to receive all of you once Lady Margot has settled in our home in Newbrugh,” Lord Ravi declared, “We will send notice after we’ve returned from our honeymoon.”

“Darling, I have every confidence in the world you’ll be successful in your new home as you were here,” Their father seemed to be just as good at masking their emotions as Margot was. It must have been who she’d gotten that from, “Your mother would be so proud of you.”

With that, Lord Covey, Lara Jean and Kitty watched the coach until it was no longer in site.

* * *

Whenever Lara Jean found herself in a poor mood, she immediately made her way to the kitchen. There was nothing better than relieving one's stress with baked goods, but it was a whole other relief to have baked those goods yourself. It had taken rounds of sparring with her sister, her father, and their staff to allow her back into the kitchen to bake. Before they relocated to their much larger home, Lara Jean always helped her with the baked goods. At the time, her family hadn’t minded the way she hung around the kitchen. Lara Jean started helping them bake bread every week till eventually she started learning to bake cakes as well. 

Unfortunately their change of status meant that it was no longer proper for Lara Jean to even be in the kitchen. Once in a while she found herself in the back in the forbidden room, and they would always try to shoo her away. But when she walked in today, no one had said a word. Instead she was greeted by sympathetic smiles.

“My lady…”

“Lara Jean,” She interrupted, “You’ve known me my whole life, Mary. You can call me by my given name.”

“You know I can’t. It’s not proper, and you have to get used to being a lady now.” Mary had been with their family since before Lara Jean was even born. She felt like family as much as her own father was.

“She’s only been gone a few hours but I already miss her. Can I please bake a cake? Just one, I promise. You can even tell Father if you’d like,” Lara Jean grabbed Mary’s hand in her plea. Mary loved all her sisters equally but she had always had a special place for the little girl who was attached to her skirts as she made her rounds around their home.

“Ok but only one! We’ve run out of flour, but they’re picking some more up today. Come back later, dear,” Mary said reluctantly. Lara Jean hugged her tight and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Just another example of a strong woman Lara Jean had the pleasure of growing up with. Mary pretended to be strict about her display of affection but she knew she actually loved it.

Luckily, Lara Jean still had a sister who was here! On her way to her next distraction, she found Kitty looking at an atlas on the floor of their library. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, but you were always going to find Kitty with her nose in books that weren’t fiction. They were opposites in that way. While Lara Jean loved to escape to fictional worlds, Kitty loved to learn about the world she was already in.

“Scotland doesn’t seem too far away when you look at it like this,” Kitty began measuring the distance between England and Scotland using her fingers.

“The space between your fingers may be small, dear sister, but I believe it’s still a trip requiring numerous days.”

“It’s weird to think of Margot being married and in Scotland! What do you think they do for fun up there?” Kitty asked, turning the page of the atlas.

“Probably the same things we do. Margot would probably already be running the household like a tight ship.”

“Do you think we can still call on Josh even though Margot isn’t here?” Kitty asked. Just the slight mention of his name sent Lara Jean off balance. 

“I think that might be up to Josh,” Lara Jean answered honestly. The thought of Josh had sent her mind in a scramble. The secret that had been sitting in Lara Jean’s heart for as long she’d known Josh began to make its way out. Lara Jean loved Josh first.

“I do miss him so! He was the only one who would teach me card games,” Kitty expressed.

They had met him when they were only kids. One day he just happened upon the Covey girls during a picnic, and they had allowed him to join under the promise that next time he would bring biscuits. Lara Jean had fallen in love with him from the start. From their adventures in the woods to Josh always bringing Lara Jean a book from his father’s library. But while Lara Jean was falling for him, Josh and Margot were falling in love with each other. 

Josh had only come to visit once since Margot got engaged. When Margot told him, he was absolutely heartbroken. Lara Jean regretted eavesdropping on that moment, but she couldn’t help herself. Despite her own feelings, Lara Jean wanted Margot and Josh together, because she thought that’s what would have made her sister happy. So when Margot rejected Josh’s proposal everyone was shocked. Even their father had been surprised at her rejection. If Lara Jean had to guess why Margot loved Josh, she would probably say that it was because her whole family loved Josh. He had eased his way into their lives, and none of them ever expected him to become so significant.

“I think I should like to take a walk,” Lara Jean announced out of the blue while also trying to ignore Kitty’s question, “Care to join me?”

“No, I think I’d like to look through father’s medical journals,” Kitty stated mischievously.

“How can you understand such literature? It all seems like a foreign language.”

“With the help of Papa, of course! He doesn’t let me look at the anatomy books, because he says I’m too young, but he does let me look at his herbal medicine books! Maybe I’ll be making my own medicines some day.” Kitty quickly got up and gave Lara Jean her quick farewells. She wondered how long her Papa had been allowing Kitty to look at the medical journals. Margot would have told her it was not ladylike for her to see such images, but no one could stop Kitty from doing something she wanted to once she set her mind to it.

Before leaving for her walk, Lara Jean went to her room and pulled a small box from beneath her bed. This box was Lara Jean’s most sacred possession. Removing the letters it possessed, Lara Jean pulled out the one labelled “Josh”.

As a romantic, it was always easy for Lara Jean to fall in love, but difficult to fall out of it. So she created a writing exercise that would help her keep her emotions safe while also reminding her just how powerful they can be. She would write a goodbye letter for each gentleman she loved. Each describing just why she loved them, what she loved about them, and why she had to stop loving them. This would be the first time she would be adding a postscript. When she realized the love between Margot and Josh was blooming she had written her first letter ending all feelings she had for him...or so she thought. So she ran and grabbed her pen and continued the letter.

**P.S I still love you**

**I still love you and that is a big problem for me, and it’s also an incredible surprise. I swear I didn’t know it. All this time I thought that I had been finished. How could I not be when Margot was the one you love? It has always been Margot. Even if Margot is no longer yours, you will never be mine.**

Sealing the letter once again, she safely tucked it back into the box. Lara Jean only had three letters, but she made sure to keep them secure and hidden under her bed. There was nothing she could do about her relationship with Josh, but she wanted things to go back to normal. She only wanted to be friends with him again. 

This was why taking a walk was necessary. The outdoors had a way with Lara Jean. Ironically, Lara Jean never felt more grounded than when she was taking a simple nature walk. The smell of the trees, the sounds of the moving waters always had a way of resetting her. The sky had been overcast, and she always preferred that over the harsh heat of the sun. Kitty and Margot never enjoyed the nature walks the way Lara Jean did. Kitty found them incredibly boring and Margot always thought there were more productive ways to use your time.

The one thing about mindlessly walking was that it allowed her subconscious to take direction, and lead her to the one place she didn’t want to be at. It had even timed perfectly with the end of the school day because all the kids had been running out of their classroom and back towards town. When her father had gained his new funds, he opened up a schoolhouse for the kids whose parents worked in town. He offered the teaching position to Josh which was how he managed to relocate along with our family. 

“Bye Mr. Sanderson!” A little girl yelled as he bid farewell to his students and his eyes traced their way in her direction. She watched them sadden but quickly transition to a smile and waved her over. She wanted to hug him till they both cried. They both probably needed it. As she made it close to his schoolhouse, he held the door open for her.

“Lara Jean, it’s great to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too, Josh.”

“How are you? How’s...Kitty?” Josh hesitated.

“It’s okay to ask how Margot is doing, Josh.” Lara Jean said bluntly, “She left for this morning.”

There was a pause between felt like forever.

“I just...I didn’t have a lot to offer her. I’m aware of my circumstances, but I just...I thought she’d pick me. I thought she loved me enough...” Josh’s voice weakened.

“She cares about you, Josh! We all do!” Lara Jean fought the urge to hold his hand in hers. 

“At least I still have you.” Josh said in relief but Lara Jean didn’t like it as well as she should. It made her feel interchangeable. Then he asked, “Can we still be friends?”

 _Could things ever go back to normal?_ Lara Jean wanted to believe it but she knew in her heart things couldn’t go back to normal, but if this was what Josh needed to hear right now..

“Of course we can!” She exclaimed just a little too enthusiastically. 

“Can I ask you something about her? I know she tells you everything.” 

Lara Jean nodded.

“Does she love him?” He looked like he almost didn’t want to hear the answer. 

“She believes him to be a kind man,” Lara Jean circled the question.

“But does she love him?” His voice ached with desperation but watching him only strengthened her sympathy. Watching Margot with Lord Ravi, Lara Jean had no doubt she would grow to love him. She didn’t want to tell Josh that though.

“She is now Lady Margot Lahiri, wife of an earl,” Lara Jean sighed. There was really no way Josh and Margot could be together again, unless they decided to have an affair, or if they ran away together to elope. Though she didn’t understand how that would work while she was already legally tied to the Earl. She wouldn’t put such scandalous thoughts into Josh’s head but she couldn’t help but think about the possibilities.

He signed in inevitable acceptance. If Lara Jean was Margot, she would have followed her heart and married Josh. Josh still had some work to do to prepare for the next school day, so it was time for Lara Jean to make her way back home. 

“Can I walk you home?” He offered.

“It’s only a couple of miles, I should like the exercise,” She smiled and waved him goodbye. 

The moment she felt a raindrop land on her face, she should have turned around and waited at the school till the rain had passed. She had assumed this would only be a light sprinkle, but it was as if the clouds were determined to prove her wrong. It began to rain buckets, and Lara Jean was soaked to her knickers as she ran to the nearest tree. It didn’t shield her as well as she needed. What’s worse is she was beginning to feel cold. Her teeth chattering could compare to the pounding of the rain.

When a coach finally began coming down the road, she immediately waved her arms in the air in a desperate attempt to hitch a ride home. She couldn’t decide which would be worse for her reputation, dying of pneumonia that was retrieved on a nature walk or being a stranger’s coach unchaperoned. The strangers seemed to have noticed an dand began slowing down their approach. The coach had been quite elegant even under all this rain.

The door quickly opened and without a thought, Lara Jean hopped right inside.

“Thank you so much for stopping! I had been on a walk and I hadn’t expected the weather to become as chaotic as it did.”

“I believe the pleasure is mine, Ms. Covey.” He responded, his tone held an edge of surprise. 

_How did he know who she was? Wait…_

She knew that voice…

She hadn’t heard it in a couple of years, but she knew exactly who it was. She was too nervous to look at him directly for fear of being correct. Good thing her cheeks had already been red from the cold, because she began to flush for other reasons.

Never in her life did she think she’d find herself alone with Lord Peter Kavinsky again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that all the base laying is out the way, I can finally work on the LJ x PK moments we've all been waiting for!! Please let me know what you think! :)


	3. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gives Lara Jean a ride home after she gets caught in the pouring rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have just been a bit eager about posting this one. You might find me going through the chapter and making edits throughout the week.

Peter Kavinsky delighted in this way of life and saw no better way to live it. By all definitions, he was a rake. He spends most nights gambling and drinking with his friends. He even had a mistress of his own for whenever he kept extended stays in London. Peter knew he would be pressured to take a bride soon, but for now, he was going to romp his way through England. Which perfectly explained his reluctance to leave that life behind for even a second. 

His mother had written him and his brother in urgence and apparently they were due home immediately. She also mentioned that their father’s health had been declining and they were to spend the last of his father’s life together as a family. He hadn’t minded at all to see his mother and brother, but to see them for the sake of a father who was barely a father only felt like a nuisance. His father had been weakened by illness and had no longer been able to do his duties as Duke for a few years now. Peter had easily taken over and had been able to fulfil most of his duties from his bachelor lodging in London. His relationship with his father had not been a normal one, but it also wasn’t entirely complicated. Their relationship was founded only on obligation. 

Before he was ill, his father had rarely lived in the Adler estate. Peter couldn’t find a reason for it but his mother had always loved her husband despite his absence. She never spoke it, but he believed that she always knew he would return. So when his father came home and decided he was ready for the life he promised her, she welcomed him back with open arms. That was when they discovered he had been ill for some time. As if they had just placed their marriage on pause, his mother had resumed her role as wife and had taken care of him till now. 

The ride was as smooth as it could have been for a trip from London. The skies were usually grey, so the rain was no surprise to him. They’d gone pretty far without stopping already. It hadn’t yet been bad enough to warrant a stop in an inn, so Peter’s confusion only grew when his driver had slowed down the coach. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Peter demanded, loud enough for the volume to surpass the rain and the walls of the coach.

He leaned over to open the door, but in doing so allowed a young woman to barge into the coach. He plopped back into seat so fast it was almost comical. Her light pink dress had been soaked to the skin and it clung to her figure most favorably. She was ever so quick to enter the coach, but neither of them had a good look at the other yet.

“She was standing in the rain and she looked like she needed assistance. I hope it’s ok, your grace.” The driver yelled from outside the carriage. Peter hit the ceiling of the coach to tell the driver everything was okay, and they began to move once again.

“Thank you so much for stopping! I had been on a walk and I hadn’t expected the weather to become as chaotic as it did.” She barely looked at him, but rather tried to gather herself. Squeezing the hemms of her dress, allowing the water to drip from the dress. She still hadn’t gotten a chance to look at him.

He only had a side profile of her face but it was all he needed. How coincidental that both times they were in each other’s acquaintance had resulted in such scandalous circumstances. He’d have no issue creating another scandalous endeavor as long as it was with her. He hadn’t seen her since that night and once in a while he would wonder about her, and now she was here.

““I believe the pleasure is mine, Ms. Covey.” He said teasingly.

Lara Jean froze at the sound of his voice, and he took too much pleasure in the fact that she knew who he was just by his voice. 

She wanted to soak in her ignorance for just a moment before confirming that she had once again found herself in an entanglement with Lord Kavinsky.

He could see her shivering, but looked to be trying to control it. Peter quickly removed his coat and placed it over her shoulders. By then she could no longer avoid his gaze, and she thanked him in whisper.

“You might have caught your death out there. What were you thinking?” His words seemed harsh, but he asked with composition and a hint of frustration. He had been so focused on his arousal, he’d forgotten that she’d just come from the cold!

“It wasn’t as if I chose to stand in the pouring rain! I was walking back from the school house. The whole week has been grey without a drop of rain. I didn’t think it would begin pouring buckets!” her teeth chattered and she attempted to fluff her the skirts of her dress out, but they only stuck to her skin again. He couldn’t help but stare at the way her dress had hugged her body. It didn’t help that she had her arms hugged around her stomach, only placing emphasis on her breast. Averting his eyes, he remembered once again that she was shaking from the cold.

Without thinking, Peter leaned forward and pressed his hand against her cheek. In desperate need of warmth, Lara Jean couldn’t help but lean into it. She closed her eyes and lightly moaned against his palm

“Christ, you’re freezing,” Peter looked around his coach trying to find another layer he could provide for her. His only thought was to remove the shirt off his own back, but that would only resort to both them becoming ill. Instead he moved from his seat so he was sitting beside her. 

“Your grace, what are you-“ She was interrupted by his arm moving around her body till it held her side. He began brushing his hand up and down her arm in an attempt to build warmth. She naturally placed a hand against his chest and it had felt so good against her cool hand

Before she could even think about pushing him away, she ended up pulling herself closer. Margot’s voice in her head told her just how improper this was, but she couldn’t help but think of the piece of her that wanted to indulge in this moment. His warmth was exactly what she needed. Her only justification was that her health should be held before propriety and that was good enough for her.

“I’m only trying to prevent any further illness.” Peter said, but with a cheeky grin he added, “but I must say, this would be more effective without your clothes.”

“Your grace!” Lara Jean gasped and removed her hand from his chest and almost attempted him to push him off but he felt too much like a freshly lit fire on a snowy day. 

“I’m only speaking truthfully,” Peter chuckled. For some reason, he couldn’t help but tease her. The flush in her cheeks only added to her beauty, “How do you feel?”

“A lot warmer. Thank you,” She sighed against his chest. The hand that brushed up and down her arm had slowed, but it felt amazing. For every thought Lara Jean had about pleasure, an intruding thought of propriety voiced itself louder.

“For a wallflower, you seem to find yourself in the most scandalous of situations,” he critiqued, “or maybe that’s why you’re able to get away with them. No one expects you to.”

“I do not seek situations that will compromise me!” She argued, ‘I’m only a mere bystander, and it’s as if the situations seek me!” 

“Have you forgotten the first time we met?” He teased. She couldn't help but blush just thinking about that moment. She’d never told anyone about that night. It almost felt like a fever dream. She quickly shook her way out of his arms and sat across from him once again.

“I vow this will be the last time I will be in such a situation.” Lara Jean declared. 

Peter gave her a look of disbelief, and she no longer wanted to continue _that_ part of the conversation. She looked outside to see how far from her home she was and they were very nearly there. She yelled some directions to the driver.

“How long have you been in town?” She asked casually. Without effort on her part, she’d heard all about his nightlife. She even heard about the mistress he had back in London, so his reasons for returning to Adler must have been pressing.

“I’m just now arriving from London. My mother has summoned my brother and I back home.”

Another awkward silence. 

“I will see you to your father to explain the situation. I’m assuming you’d like to avoid any misunderstanding,” He said casually looking out the window.

“Thank you for your consideration, but I can talk to my own father,” Lara Jean didn’t want Lord Kavinsky anywhere near her father. 

“I would still like to be introduced, as we are neighbors after all?” He came up with another excuse. If there was anything he learned from their interactions it was that he enjoyed getting under her skin, almost as much he enjoyed the idea of being under her skirts.

“If I cannot see your house from mine with the naked eye that barely makes you my neighbor,” she argued. Even the mere mention of _naked_ anything aroused him. Luckily they were nearing her home, otherwise he’d been this close to attempting to seduce her again.

Accepting that she couldn’t stop him, they arrived at her house, and some of the staff, Kitty and her father had begun running out of the house in a panic. She hadn’t realized how dark it was outside. 

_How long had the sun been set?_

A wave of confusion had spread among her family and staff as he exited the coach. The confusion only grew stronger as a drenched Lara Jean revealed herself at the door of the coach. He removed his wet glove, and offered his bare hand to her as she took a step down. 

Lara Jean couldn’t help but pay extra attention to the skin of his hand against hers. He had his arm around her body earlier but the feel of her hand felt different. She held her dress up in one hand and grasped his hand in the other. It had been warm from being in the glove the whole ride. If it had just been them two, Peter would have lifted her into his arms and into the house himself. 

“Lara Jean, where have you been? We had the whole staff looking for you.” her father’s eyes held so much concern and worry that it broke her heart. His expression changed once he looked at the Duke again, “What has happened?”

Before her father could jump to any conclusion, she burst out in a cry, “Papa it’s not what you think! I was walking back home and then it started to rain! I just lost track of time!”

She saw his eyes move to his coat that she was wearing. She quickly began to remove it but Peter stopped her.

“Just keep it on till you’re able to go into a bath,” he spoke softly to her, but then looked to the staff and her father, “Ms. Covey will need to get in front of fire as soon as possible. She also needs a warm bath and fresh clothes.”

Her father had always been a man of composure, and someone who didn’t know him couldn’t tell, but he was growing angry. Lara Jean only briefly explained herself to her father, but she was nervous.

Maybe Lord Kavinsky _should_ explain it to him?

“I’ll explain it to your father, Ms. Covey. You should go ahead before you catch an illness,” She looked to her father for approval and he lightly nodded.

“Let’s take this conversation inside,” Again, in a composed tone. Fear began to grow in Peter since this man didn’t seem to show any feelings at all. Lord Covey led Peter to his study and closed the door behind him. Drawings of anatomy hung on the walls and the shelves held plenty of medicine books. When he had met Lara Jean, she mentioned her father had only recently inherited the title. He must have practiced medicine.

“I was on my way from London and my driver found Lara Jean walking home in the rain, and we offered to take her home. That is the whole of it,” Peter spoke honestly and vaguely. Lord Covey stood from his chair and began pouring both of them a glass of brandy.

“That girl will be the death of me,” He downed the drink, “She wanders off a lot. She’s like a balloon. It’s difficult to keep her grounded without holding her hand.” 

Peter chuckled and remembered how Lara Jean mentioned that her dad was always comparing her to a balloon.

“She must have been calling upon Josh,” Her father said to himself then towards Peter, “Josh Sanderson is the teacher at the school house. He’s been a friend of the family for a long time.”

“This may be late, but I’d like to thank you for opening the school. That was kind of you and will be most beneficial to the children in this town,” Peter hadn’t put it together that this was the man who’d opened the school in town. He’d been corresponding with Lord Covey, but hadn’t made the connection right away, “Our introductions are late, I apologize.”

“Think nothing of it! The funds you’ve provided have gone to a good cause,” Her dad smiled. Lord Covey found the Duke to be a delightful fellow.

“Do not hesitate to inform me if the school needs anything else,” Peter replied.

“Though I must thank you for bringing my daughter home, your grace and I apologize for the inconvenience. Please stay for dinner so we can repay you for your kindness.”

“Thank you for the invitation, but I must be returning home. My family has been expecting me for some time,” Even if Peter was dreading seeing his father, he did long to see his brother and mother again. There isn’t a person who would ever hear the words spoken aloud because only being in the company of both for a moment would cause him to swallow his tongue.

“You’re welcome to visit when it’s convenient to your schedule,” They bowed to each other, and Peter made a swift exit.

* * *

After a warm bath and fresh clothes, she felt like she had just stood in the sun after a cold day in the shade. She put on a fresh lawyer of clothes and they felt wonders against her skin. She remembered the way the Duke’s hand felt against her skin, and a quick rush of blood fled through her cheeks. Just the thought of him fired a heat in her body. She scrambled herself together and began to sprint down the stairs to her father’s study.You would think there was a stampede with the kind of noise Lara jean was making. Running past Kitty and Mary, she quickly stopped herself in front of her father’s study. 

Brushing her skirts and running her hands through her hair one last time, she knocked just as quickly as she opened the door.

When she came in to find her Papa alone in his study, she couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. He must have gone back home like he said. She must find a way to thank him properly. His partially wet coat sat in a chair in her bedroom. Mary had offered to take it, but Lara Jean had some ideas of her own.

“I’m so sorry for worrying you, Papa. I was walking from the school house, and I didn’t know it was going to rain. I’ll be more mindful about the weather before I go on walks from now on, I promise.”

“I know you will, dear,” Her father spoke kindly, “Lord Kavinsky is a decent fellow. I imagine he’d make a fine husband.”

“He is a rake,” Lara Jean rolled her eyes.

“Lara Jean you mustn’t speak indecently of a man who has possibly saved your life.”

“But he is papa!” Lara Jean knew this best! She’d fallen for his charms one too many times and would probably allow him a third if the opportunity was given.

“They say rakes make the best husbands!” Kitty chimed in. Both her and her father jumped at the sound of her voice. Neither had noticed her entrance, but welcomed it all the more.

“Reformed rakes,” Lara Jean corrected, “He’s clearly not reformed. He has just arrived from London and we’ve all heard the rumors of his lifestyle.”

“Kitty, who taught you what a rake was?” Their father had the bridge of his nose in his fingers, “I’m very reminded again how thankful I am we hired a new governess.”

“You have?” Lara Jean wanted to knock herself. In the midst of her disappearance, she was supposed to be present for the interview with the new governess today! This was something Margot had started but didn’t have time to finish before her wedding.

“Yes, in your absence I asked Kitty to assist me,” Her father smiled proudly at Kitty, and she returned the look with a matching one of her own. This was a beautiful picture of father and daughter, and Lara Jean wanted to frame it. 

“We may find ourselves lucky that Margot isn’t here to correct that decision,” Lara Jean teased.

“Kitty is to spend more time with her than anyone else, it is only fair she have a voice in her choosing,” Her father stated.

“Very forward thinking of you, Papa,” Kitty glowed.

Lara Jean couldn’t help but agree. _Sorry, Margot. Papa makes a very good point._

“She is an amiable woman, I hope?” Lara Jean asked Kitty.

‘Yes! Her name is Ms. Rothschild,” and with a hand blocking her father, Kitty whispers excitedly, “and she’s a widow.” 

“Kitty!” Lara Jean spoke in a scolding tone, and Kitty shushed her.

“Before we worry about Papa’s match, let’s focus on yours!” Kitty said excitedly, “Maybe we can find you a reformed rake.”

Lara Jean grabbed a pillow from a nearby chair and threw it at her younger sister.

Their father watched them without listening to a word, and looked proudly among his bickering daughters. While society placed its efforts in bearing sons, the role of an heir could never compare to the tons of warmth and affection that can only be received from daughters.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!! Thank you for the kind comments so far. They're very encouraging <3


	4. Only the Wealthy Have the Time to Become Rakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has a life changing discussion with his father, while Lara Jean has a life changing picnic with Josh.

Peter woke up this morning equal parts frustrated and aroused. Some nights she was bare beneath him, and some nights she only wore a chemise, but every night had her writhing in bliss. The times he’d felt her skins seemed to have ingrained themselves in his mind to the point of recreating the touch in dreams. There was an innocence to Ms. Covey that he found appealing, but what really intrigued him was her curiosity. The night they met had been proof alone of her compatibility as a bed partner. After _that_ night, he had seen her at only a few soirees, but then she had been absent for a few years after. When she stopped appearing at events, he had wondered about her briefly but she had never been so locked in his head like she was right now. His dreams of her had only gotten worse since they last saw each other. She had been soaked to her stocking the last time they met, which was how he wanted their next meeting to go...except he would be the cause of them.

Peter knew he should have written to Ms. Covey to ask for her health, but the thought always came as quickly as it left. He assumed that she had been in fine health now. It wasn’t as if she was unconscious when he left her. He had left her with her family. Enough time had passed since the event that it was no longer necessary for him to ask. He had become busier than he expected at Adler. Their steward had recently resigned and they’d yet to find a new one, but Peter found this to be an opportunity to learn more about the grounds. His mother had been spending more time attending to his father, so he found himself running the household in her absence as well. He knew he’d have to make an effort to avoid being alone with his father, but hadn’t intended for his excuses to become genuine.

“Peter, are you listening to me?” His mother began waving a forkful of potatoes in his line of sight. They had been taking their breakfast on the terrace. Sitting from across a large dining table never seemed practical to Peter, but he had never felt he needed to change that custom.

He looked up at his mother and gave her a quick “mhm”.

“Our neighbor, Lord Covey has three daughters! I believe one of them has recently been married, but that leaves two eligible young ladies for you, Peter. You must dance with both of them at the ball,” She may have spoken kindly, but it was very much an order.

He knew it hadn’t been focused this morning, but he couldn’t have been that lost in his thoughts of Ms. Covey. Why was his mother mentioning her at all? 

“What ball?”

“Darling, Adler estate always holds the first ball of the season. Do not pretend to forget such an important tradition,” His mother spoke matter of factly, but his confusion only seemed to grow, “They had been in mourning for the last couple of years. Their poor father! I can’t imagine how one raised three daughters without a mother, but I’ve heard the eldest daughter is lovely nonetheless.”

That explained why he never saw her after that season. After the night, he barely saw her, but her absence had been clearly noticed when she’d stopped attending.Her mother’s death explained her disappearance completely. He hadn’t even realized her father had been the only guardian present and he was in their home not too long ago.

“Don’t forget to add them to the guest list, darling,” she added. This conversation was becoming more and more confusing to Peter. Everything that came out of his mother’s mouth needed further explanations.

“Me? Aren’t planning balls the duty of the lady of the house?” He questioned between bites.

“Your father needs me,” She said a bit weakly, but more confidently added, “If you had found a bride by now, then maybe you wouldn’t have to plan it.”  
Peter rolled his eyes, but he knew she was right. Adler estate always held the first ball of the season, and it had to be grand and better than the last every single time. Being the heir to a dukedom made him the awful target of the scheming mamas, so it was his least favorite time of year. He had been introduced to more ladies last season than he could even remember the names of. Though this was the last thing he wanted to do he was going to make it his priority. The last thing he needed was another lecture from his mother. 

Peter gave her small half grin, and she returned a strained smile. He never had to say it but the list of things he wouldn’t do for his mother was very small. He knew his bachelor activities were constantly disappointing her, but there was nothing he could do about that. He was after all, a bachelor.

Just when he thought their conversation would be finished.

“I’d like you to spend more time with your father, Peter,” She expressed as if it was a confession. She knew he wanted nothing to do with him, but it had been her last opportunity for them to be a family.

“I’ve taken care of all my obligations,” Peter stated coldly.

“Please, Peter…” she begged, and he hated seeing his mom so desperate. Since childhood, he'd always done what he could to please his mother. He’d seen the way she suffered when his father was gone, and he’d could only do so much to remedy that. Seeing what love did to his mother had reminded him yet again why he would never succumb to such weakness.

Without a word, he gave her a hard nodd and left the room.

* * *

Entering into his father’s bedchamber had been as depressing as he thought it would be. The curtains were drawn closed, and the fire had been put out. He was still occupying the Duke’s chambers, which Peter hadn’t minded. He walked in while his father was reading, and his face lit up when the servant announced his entrance.

“Father, you requested my presence?” Peter kept his tone even.

“Yes, son, how was your trip?” His father’s voice was weak, but raised in volume as he sat up in the bed.

“It went as smoothly as it can in those circumstances…” He smirked and continued, “in light of the weather conditions.”

“As you know, you will be the sole Duke of Adler soon.”

“Yes, father, I’m quite aware of the whole reason for my birth,” His volume was even, but there was very much some bite.

“I want you to represent the dukedom with propriety, Peter,” His father started, and before Peter could even scoff he continued with a weak but louder voice, “I made a mistake leaving you and your mother. Galavanting through London isn’t what makes a life. I missed out on the life I could have had with my family and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”

“You don’t get to decide anything for me. You lost that right a long time ago,” Peter’s aggravation began to grow.

“I’ve spoken to my solicitor and I’ve made it so your inheritance shall be withheld till you’ve turned your reputation around. I want you to be married.”

“What the hell gives you the right?!” Peter was seething. 

“The title will be yours, and the estate will be yours. That is something I cannot control, but the funds that have been set aside for my passing will be withheld.” He continued to speak through Peter’s growing anger.

“And how exactly do you expect me to turn my reputation around? What makes you think I won't just marry the next woman to approach me?” It took everything to remind himself not to injure an already ill man.

“Only the wealthy have the time to become rakes. I’m sure you’ll figure it out since you'll be without pocket funds. I’ve left the task of releasing your funds to your mother and my solicitor. So you'll want your mother's approval on the young lady.” 

Before he could hear another word, Peter stormed out and slammed the door. The man had abandoned them, and the least he could have done was compensate them for their troubles! He had nothing to prove to that man, but damn did he need that money. 

* * *

Lara Jean recovered rather quickly after her stint with Lord Kavinsky. Though she would never admit it out loud or even to herself that she was secretly disappointed that he never wrote asking for her health. She hadn’t expected him to call on her, but a measly message would have been kind enough. The morning and even a few days after, she had run down the steps of her home and asked all the servants if she’d received anything, but she’d been without luck. She hadn’t been disappointed for long, because soon after she was baking again. 

She had an idea to bake a cake to give to Lord Kavinsky, but she feared that might have been improper. She frequently wondered what Margot would do in these situations. Normally, she wouldn’t worry about such things as societal standards, but after her most recent event with him, it might have been a better idea to be less obvious for a while. Which only gave her the idea to bring the cake to the school house. Josh always enjoyed her baking and she knew the students would enjoy it even more.

“Are you finished, yet?” This had been Kitty’s third time checking on the cake. Her governess hadn’t started yet, so she had more free time than normal. 

“Kitty, the cake just finished cooling. Do you want icing on it, or not?” Lara Jean had just returned to the kitchen to decorate the cake. Kitty ended up groaning and left the room for the third time today. This had been the second cake she baked this week, and she would have baked more if it didn’t mean depleting her family’s funds in flour and sugar. 

She’d delicately decorated the cake with berries and white icing. She’d been using this recipe for years, so she guaranteed it would be delicious. She packed the cake into a large enough picnic basket after cutting a slice and leaving it out for Kitty. While she was at it, decided to add some sandwiches and fruit. They would picnic by the water like they used to when they were kids. She had frequently visited Josh after his classes had finished, but this would be the first time she came during lunch.

Her father insisted she take the carriage to see Josh and she knew better than to resist. The ride was delightfully quick, and it gave her some time under the sun. It had been a beautiful spring day with a light breeze by the water. This picnic weather could not be more perfect. When she’d arrived at the school, class had still been in session, but it looked like they had been partaking in a reading activity. 

When they first arrived at their new home in Adler, the local town didn’t have a school. Her father had always believed in the accessibility of education, and the first thing he did with his new income was open a school in town for both boys and girls. Josh’s father had also been a teacher, so it was no surprise when Josh ended up relocating with the Coveys to walk in his father’s footsteps. He had a small cottage not too far from the school, and was afforded a comfortable living. Josh would need to marry eventually, but even the thought hadn’t sat well with her. It didn’t seem to stem from jealousy, but from a sadness for Margot. Would Margot have been happy living in a cottage if she had stayed with him?

Class had been in session but it was almost mid day, so they were due for a break. Lara Jean waved her hand outside the window and once she got Josh’s attention she walked in. She hadn’t failed to notice the way his face lit up when he saw her and it squeezed her heart. She had completely captured the attention of all the students as well. There had been about twenty or so children.

“Class, this is Ms. Covey. She’s a friend of mine, greet her kindly, please,” Josh spoke in his teacher voice. Which was usually higher in octave and involved a lot of enunciation.

“HELLO, MS.COVEY,” they all yelled sweetly.

“Please continue with your assignments,” He said nicely, and walked Lara Jean over to his desk, “I’m very happy to see you, but it’s unlike you to call during school hours.”

“I’ve come in the hopes of picnicking together! Not for very long, but during the lunch break I’d hope,” Lara Jean set down her basket on his desk and pulled out the cake, “and if your students have been very good today, maybe they’d enjoy some pudding!”

This immediately got the attention of the children! They cheered and all their voices began to speak over each other with excitement. In a louder voice, Josh attempted to calm them down and promised everyone would have a piece with their lunch as soon as they turned in their assignment. One by one each student handed in their paper to Lara Jean in exchange for a piece of the cake. Josh had to help some of them individually, but in due time everyone had finished their assignment and had been enjoying their pudding. 

Josh and Lara Jean walked closer to the water beneath a tree. He laid out the picnic blanket, and she prepared the rest of their meal. It had really been like childhood. For an incredibly brief moment, she imagined what things would have been like if he had loved her instead of Margot. It was quickly met with shame and guilt, with the reminder that Lara Jean had let go of him a long time ago. 

They spent their lunch reminiscing about their childhood memories, and spent more time laughing than actually eating. 

“Remember when Kitty’s doll mysteriously fell into the pond?” He laughed.

“I actually remember you dropping it into the pond, while I took the blame,” she nudged him playfully. They really had a lot of history together. She had a hard time imagining her life without him, but she knew it would have to come to an end at some point. They would both marry and have their own families soon enough. They’d always have their memories and Lara Jean cherished those very much.

With how high the mood had been, she thought it was a good idea to tell Josh about her recent encounter with Lord Kavinsky, but he hadn’t found it as amusing as she expected. She obviously left out some of the less palatable details, but everything leading up to that seemed fair game.

“Why didn’t you just come back to the school house?” Josh asked, his voice hardened. She had been taken about by his harsh tone. Her giggles immediately ended and her composition suddenly turned into a defense.

“The coach came by before I could even think of that,” Lara Jean informed him. She knew she didn’t have to explain herself to him, but she couldn’t help it, “I didn’t even know it was his coach.”

“He didn’t...touch you did he?” Josh asked hesitantly, and he couldn’t look her in the eye as he questioned.

Knowing exactly what he meant, she exclaimed, “Of course not!”

“He has a reputation,” Josh argued.

“I’m reputed to be peculiar, but you see past that, Josh.” At least she hoped he did.

“You know exactly what I mean. He is a rake! He spends all night in taverns gambling, drinking and bedding whores!”

“You don’t know that to be true, and don’t use that language with me! If those women are willingly engaging with him in whatever manner, as long as all parties approve, I don’t see how that’s any of our business,” Lara jean argued. She didn’t know why she felt the need to defend him so vehemently. It wasn’t as if he was especially nice to her, but she didn’t like how aggravated Josh was becoming from the topic.

“You’re just an innocent girl! He would ruin you, Lara Jean,” Josh challenged.

“I’m not as innocent as you think, and nothing happened for me to get ruined! All I did was ride his coach home. Can we move on from this, please? I just wanted to have a nice lunch.” Lara Jean groaned and he sighed and took another bite of his sandwich. Neither of them had said anything for a couple minutes, but it truly felt like hours. The silence was terribly uncomfortable and she didn’t know what to say. He still looked upset. 

_Why?_

After finishing his sandwich, he moved on to his cake. Just one bite seemed to soften his resolve, and he quickly ate the whole thing.

“Lara Jean, your baking never fails,” He stated with a lick of his lips. It made her giddy that he liked it so much. He had always enjoyed her baking before, but this one actually resolved an argument! The silence continued to follow, but it was a comfortable silence this time. She stared out into the water, but could feel his gaze on her.

She turned to smile at him and he looked like wanted to say something.

“Do you see yourself getting married?” Josh asked.

“Of course, I do,” Lara Jean answered, “ I won’t marry for anything less than love. I’ve told you that.”

“So if you fell in love with someone who wasn’t rich or a peer, you would marry him?” He asked. She assumed he’d been referring to Margot. Lara Jean couldn’t judge Margot for her decision. She was a first daughter, and without her marriage, Lara Jean wouldn’t have been able to do what she wanted. She’d always be thankful and sorry to her sister for her sacrifice.

“Of course I would! You know me, Josh. I’m the last woman to take heed to societal standards. I’m a romantic.” Lara Jean smiled, “Mama was a daughter of a peer, and she married a poor title-less doctor. They may have fought like normal couples, but she never held his social standing against him.”

“Would you marry me?” Josh’s eyes looked pleading. The sun was shining, the river provided a cooling breeze, and they had been picnicking. This moment had every potential of being romantic, but it wasn’t. She looked into his eyes and they both knew this wasn’t right. Or at least, she hoped he’d known. There was no warmth to this. His eyes were almost...sad when he asked.

“Don’t jest like that,” Lara Jean started and Josh grabbed her hands in his and kissed them. She immediately shook them off of hers and tucked them beneath her arms.

“I think we could be happy together, Lara Jean,” He iterated, “I already care for you so deeply. I could learn to love you as you love me.”

“Me?” She was bewildered, “Love you?”

Suddenly, Josh pulled a piece of folded parchment out of his pocket. On the front had his name written on it. It took a few seconds, but she recognized that writing. It was her handwriting. 

_How did he get that? Why did he have it?_

She reached for the letter, but he only stood up and held his hand up high. 

“I cannot be here,” Lara Jean began packing up the picnic and Josh continued to speak while she cleaned up.

“I could make you happy, Lara Jean. We’re already the best of friends. We already...care for each other. Your family loves me. You could bake, and I could continue to teach. We’re perfect for each other.”

‘What about Margot?” She cried, and she felt the tears begin to well up.

“Margot is married!” Josh’s voice was pained and it broke with reality. Lara Jean began walking towards her carriage and waved down her driver who had been fishing by the water.

“I can’t do this with you. You’re only feeling this way because you and Margot can no longer be together.”

“So what if I am? It only made me realize the life we can have together. Why did you come here? Why did you bring me lunch and why have we been spending so much time together?”  
“We’re friends, Josh and that’s all we can ever be,” The carriage was quickly ready for her and she took her drivers hand as he helped her into her seat.

“We could have a life together, Lara Jean,” Josh said in a pleading voice,“Just think about it.” 

She couldn’t even look at him. She had no idea what to think. Lara Jean would most definitely not marry him. Even if her feelings for him had still been even a little present, her loyalty to her sister was much stronger. She couldn’t help but wonder how he even received the letter. Lara Jean kept them tucked away in a box beneath her bed. She’d never told anyone about them either. Her heart had been beating faster and faster by the minute.

If Josh had received his letter, did the other ones get sent out as well? Luckily, she had only written three.

Josh had obviously received his. 

If that’s the case there’s no way, Lord Kavinsky hadn’t received his.

_Oh God_

* * *

After a long day involving his mother’s lectures, formal letter writing, ledgers and financial documents, the last thing he wanted to do was read another letter. On top of his inheritance dilemma, he had a mountain of work to do for the ball. When would he even have time to find a wife? 

_Whatever that means! Bachelors are supposed to live like cads!_

There was something about the one that was just handed to him that only stirred his interest. Because normally his letters were addressed to the Duke of Adler, or Lord Kavinsky, but this one was written in delicate handwriting and was addressed to him as “Peter”. Even his valet had found it peculiar, Peter had to excuse him because he was just as curious. 

He hadn’t a clue who it might have been, because no one had ever called him by his first name outside of his family. Even his mistresses had called him by his formal title. For a brief moment, he thought it might have been his mistress who wrote it, but she wouldn’t be bold enough to write him at his family home. She knew his boundaries well. He couldn’t open the letter fast enough.

_Dear Peter,_

_For just this moment, I have decided to address you by your first name. After that night, I practiced saying your name aloud and it felt all too natural on my lips. Almost as natural as your lips felt against mine. Did you know that when you kissed me I would come to love you? Sometimes I think yes, because I think you know exactly what you’re doing. You know just what to do to make a woman fall in love with you._

_That’s exactly what I hate about you. By all definition, you are a rake. We have all heard the rumors of your nightlife in London, and the mistresses you keep. You live your life frivolously and without any regard for others, including the night we first met. You had no regard for my reputation...but I guess neither did I really._

_I will say this once and then put it away forever. It may sound like fiction, but I fell in love with you that night. I allowed myself to give into my desires and if I didn’t have my sister’s reputations in mind, I truly believe I would have been yours that night. It may have meant nothing to you, but for me it was a moment of liberation. That night you may have kissed me because I just happened to be near, but I kissed you that night out of my own pure desire. That moment we had will always be my wicked little secret and will forever be remembered as the time I allowed myself to be hailed to my fantasy._

_As a young girl, I was always fascinated by the romance of balls and dances, but when I had finally gone to my first ball I had been met with enough disappointment to crush my spirits for the rest of the season. That night plastered the title “wallflower” on my forehead, but that moment I had with you...wicked as it was...reminded me of just who I am and what I want. If the way you express passion is anything close to the way you express love, I will count myself lucky to have experienced it for myself. Even if there will not be a future with you, I know now that I shall not settle for anything less than what I felt that night._

_Passionately and temporarily yours,_

_Lara Jean Covey_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I had written, rewritten, and revised it so many times, but I'm really happy with how this turned out!! My dump document is thriving at the moment.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


	5. Adler Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean attends the Adler Ball with a plan to avoid Lord Kavinsky at all costs

“Kitty, are you excited for your first ball?” Lara Jean asked as she brushed her hair in preparation for a braided updo. For someone as easy to read as Lara Jean, Kitty didn’t seem to act as if she noticed Lara Jean was on edge. She hated keeping big secrets from her family more than anything. Without Margot here, she felt so helpless in her situation. She had no idea what she was going to do, but she consistently reminded herself;

_One problem at a time_

Tonight’s problem was Lord Kavinsky.

“Yes!” Kitty exclaimed as she was going through her ribbons. The Covey girls always enjoyed getting ready for balls together. Now that Margot was gone, it felt just a little emptier. They may have lost two members of their ritual, but at least they gained a new one in Kitty’s new governess. She was actually beginning to prove herself as more of a companion to Kitty than a governess. They all adored her very quickly. Ms. Rothschild has maintained perfect compatibility with Kitty. She had a way of teaching Kitty social graces without making Kitty change who she is at all. It also meant that Kitty spent less time with Lara Jean, which she wouldn’t have minded except that she really needed the distraction.

“I never expected you to be so excited about your marriage prospects.” Ms.Rothschild commented, “I see a very successful marriage in your future with that sort of enthusiasm.”

“That’s not why I’m excited,” Kitty responded with disgust, “This is the perfect time for me to observe human behavior!”

“My dear, you are meant to be looking for a husband.” Ms.Rothschild walked over to the pile of Kitty’s gowns. She held one in each hand placing them both in view of Kitty. 

Lara Jean actually enjoyed getting to wear elegant gowns for balls, but the numerous layers were never comfortable. If she were staying home, she’d be able to get away with only wearing a chemise and a day dress, but a gown required many more layers. Her corset in particular was causing her the most grief. After stepping into the final layer, she stood in front of the mirror. Pressing her hands into her waist, she couldn’t believe she could look like this.

“You look just like your mother.” Mary said lovingly, and hugged her from behind. Lara Jean gave Mary’s hand a tight squeeze.

“I do not believe I shall ever let you go, Mary. If I ever get married, you will be coming with me.” 

“There’s no question about that, my lady. You’ll find the kindest man of England, and he shall love you like your parents loved each other.” Mary declared warmly. They hugged each other, and Lara Jean had to stop herself from tearing up. She missed Margot and she missed her mom so much, and it made her so thankful she had Mary.

“You’re beautiful, Lara Jean!” Kitty gushed, “Maybe tonight we can find you a husband! I’ve always thought I’d make a great matchmaker. I hope the Duke asks you to dance!”

Just the mention of the Duke had her in a twirl. Her stomach had already been held in by her corset, she didn't understand how there was any room for the nervous butterflies! After the encounter with Josh, she had thought about all the possible things she could do to remedy the situation. She thought about whether she should even bring it up to the Duke, or if she should wait on him to speak to her? She couldn’t recall ever sleeping that night. Her mind had been completely taken over by Josh’s proposal and the possibility of Lord Kavinsky receiving the letter. 

There was a moment in the night, an incredibly brief moment, where Lara Jean allowed herself to think about what a life with Josh Sanderson would be like. A life where she would be Ms. Lara Jean Sanderson. He would teach at the local school, and she could help him with his lesson planning. They’d live a small life in the cottage, but she would be content. She could use her dowry for her children, or maybe open up a bakery. In her heart of hearts, Lara Jean would know that he should always love Margot first, and she knew she could never live with that. But she also knew she could never do that to Margot.

The moment she got home from the picnic, she bunched up her skirts in haste and ran up to her room. She scrambled her way under her bed to find the box that held the sacred letters and there was absolutely nothing inside the box. Where had her letters gone? She’d only written three letters, but each one was incredibly personal to her. Josh and Peter’s letter was definitely the worst of it. She didn’t have much concern for the third letter, because he had been a foot soldier that she knew was fighting in the war. She would be embarrassed nonetheless but the more pressing matter had to do with the first two letters with the men in her vicinity.

She’d deal with one problem at a time and tonight her plan was to avoid Lord Kavinsky as much as possible. Luckily for Lara Jean, she didn’t have to worry about Kitty because Ms. Rothschild would be accompanying her tonight. It may have sounded like an impossibility to hide from a man in his own home, but she’d hide behind every table, corner, and person she could. She still hadn’t been sure if he even received the letter. She hadn’t heard anything from him, but she’d also been busy enough trying to avoid Josh. 

_One problem at a time_ , she said to herself again. 

Lara Jean wore a red gown that hugged her shape perfectly, it flowed to the ground most elegantly. The detailing on her sleeves went a little bit past her wrist. This color was a bit bolder than she was used to,and might have been the wrong dress to wear to remain unnoticed, but this moment of confidence was what she needed. Even her neck line was cut lower than she was used to. Kitty wore a sage green color gown that lightly brushed the ground. The chiffon of the skirts reminded her of the way the ocean’s foamed in paintings. She knew that her mother and Margot would agree that Kitty was most becoming in that dress.

As she descended the stairs with her sister, her father broke out into a small smile.

“You both look lovely,” he complimented the sisters. His gaze was quickly moved to Ms. Rothschild, and it was slight but they briefly thought they saw their father blush. Kitty and Lara Jean gawked at each other but contained their excitement refusing to ruin the moment.

“You also look-” He cleared his throat, and stood awkwardly, “quite lovely, Ms. Rothschild.”

“Thank you, my lord,” She was definitely blushing.

He offered his arm to her and she took it. The four of them walked off to the carriage.

* * *

The ball held as much extravagance as she remembered last. Servants began passing out flutes of champagne. Lara Jean eagerly took one and began drinking it upon entrance. Her father had immediately come across old friends who he had met as patients. Her father was once a doctor for a town that was located near many homes owned by high society. He had been called upon for many ailments, and had even delivered many of the children. He had been well liked and was well congratulated when he had gained a title. One of his old patients, Lord Verne had quickly come over to greet us with his wife. He had actually delivered Lord Verne’s youngest child.

“Dr. Covey! Or should I say, Lord Covey. It has been much time since we’ve last seen each other.”

“Either is fine with me. It’s good to see you sir,” He bowed his head to his wife who followed, “How are your children?”

“Charles and Howard are well,” Lord Verne answered, and waved to someone behind her father, “Forgive me for interrupting, Lord Covey. You must allow me to introduce you to our hostess Lady Kavinsky.”

Lara Jean’s heart stopped and she was so scared to turn around. When she finally did she was relieved to see that the Lady had been alone.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Kavinsky,” Her father greeted, “I am Lord Covey, and these are my daughters, Lara Jean and Kitty, and Ms. Rothschild is Kitty’s companion.”

“Oh what lovely ladies! You shan't have any difficulty making matches this season!” She gushed as they both bowed and gleefully looked at both of them, “Have you met my son?”

Lara Jean almost choked on her breath, but the one who appeared hadn’t been the Lord Kavinsky she was avoiding.

“Owen Kavinsky pleased to make your acquaintance,” He bowed and the girls curtsied.

“I’ve had the pleasure of meeting your eldest son not too long ago,” Her father responded after bowing, “We’ve exchanged some correspondence in regards to the school in town.”

“Oh wonderful! He hadn’t informed me of your introduction. He must be here somewhere.” She looked around the crowded room just briefly.

“You must dance with them, my dear,” Lady Kavinsky urged, and he quickly looked at them both and said “I’d be happy to oblige.”

He offered his arm to Kitty and she eagerly accepted. 

“Shall we take a turnabout the room, Ms. Covey? We’ll leave the men to their devices.” Lady Kavinsky took her arm and led her away from her family. They all gave her eager smiles, and she’d been starstruck. Lady Kavinsky was a duchess! She had no reason to want to spend any time with a Baron’s daughter. 

“Your skills at hosting and planning are superb, your grace. I can see why the Adler Ball tradition continues to live on,” Lara Jean complimented genuinely.

“I would love to accept your compliments, but please direct them to my eldest son. He was in charge of the whole affair,” She said proudly, “You wouldn’t know he never planned one before. Peter took care of everything for me, but he wouldn’t want anyone else to know. That’ll be our secret, dear.”

“The last ball I attended a few years ago was magnificent. It’s evident he had a very good teacher.”

“You flatter me,” she giggled. They both grabbed another glass of champagne, “I want to introduce you to my eldest son.”

“That..would be nice,” She hesitated, and began to inwardly panic. She looked around the room as they passed gentle society. She passed small groups laughing and drinking, and smoothly passed the patrons that were dancing. 

As if fate was at work, someone came and stole Lady Kavinsky’s attention away from Lara Jean. 

“Excuse me, my dear. When you see him, please make sure you have a dance.” She made her way to another high society couple that needed entertaining, as if the dances, the music and the drinks weren’t enough.

This gave Lara Jean the opportunity to escape near the table lain with cakes. It was dessert galore! She took a plate of cakes and speedily made her way to a table in the back corner. 

She looked upon Kitty who was now dancing with another gentleman. She wasn’t surprised one bit. Kitty had a flirtatious charm that could easily attract anybody. It also didn’t hurt that the younger Lord Kavinsky had been her first dancing partner for the night. It definitely left a standing impression with the bachelors of the ton. She was so happy Kitty was having such a successful debut. If things had gone this well during Lara Jean’s first ball, maybe she’d be under better social circumstances. Or maybe if she wasn’t running around trying to avoid the duke, she’d have the opportunity to socialize.

“Did you hide in the back of the ballroom so you could eat cake too?” a voice asked from behind her. She turned around to find a tall, thin woman with piercing blue eyes. She had removed her gloves and placed them on the table.

Whilst in the middle of a bite, Lara Jean nodded her head in response.

“Why do they even have a table filled with glorious food and make it unfashionable to eat it?!” The woman complained, eating another bite.

“I have no clue, but I’ve had plenty of debates about this with my sisters.”

“God, I hate balls. It’s like they put all the boring people in one room to talk about boring things, but in the most extravagant and wasteful way.”

“Maybe you just haven’t met the interesting people yet.” 

“I think I’d like balls more if the people I talked to wanted to discuss things other than ‘eligible bachelors’ and the weather.”

“That’s how I feel as well actually,” Lara Jean agreed, “We may be women, but we’ve more depth to our character than just our marriage prospects and our ability to put ourselves together.”

The girl scooted her chair next to Lara Jean’s, and leaned toward her.

“I’m Christine Donati, but please call me Chris. I detest my first name. I believe we are going to be the best of friends.”

“I’m Lara Jean Covey, and I would love to be your friend.” She smiled, and they cheered to their desserts and took another bite. Chris was beginning to look vaguely familiar to Lara Jean. With a quick realization she added, “You must be the daughter of the Marquess of-”

“Ramsey, yes,” Chris rolled her eyes, “I’m the daughter of a marquess therefore, I am a target for penniless men and gamblers looking for a wife to pay their debts. I will not be reduced to my father’s title.”

“Please do not take offense, as you’ve declared us the best of friends, I’m only trying to get to know you.”

“You make a valid point. Tell me about your family then.” She took a gulp of the champagne and waved the servant down for another.

“He’s a baron, but my sister married a Duke and they reside in Scotland. I don’t exactly know what that does to my family’s social status, but the last time I was out in society I had been named a wallflower.”

“A wallflower is no better than an eccentric heiress. We’re basically one of the same cloth,” Chris added, “Though I do wonder...have our paths never crossed before tonight?”

“My father inherited his title much later in life and we were in mourning the last couple of years. My mother had passed away.”

“I apologize, I have a tendency to speak before thinking. Two years of mourning is a very long time. You must have loved her very much.”

“I did...I do,” Lara jean spoke softly, but continued with a smile, “But let us cheers to new friends.”

They clinked their glasses and continued to drink and laugh about observations they made from their corner of the ballroom. They witnessed a gentleman sneeze into their hand then proceed to hold a lady’s hand in a dance, and even a gentleman stepping on a lady’s foot after a misstep while dancing. They continued to eat cake, drink champagne and observe patrons for a long while. She hadn’t realized how much time had been passing. She had an idea to bake a cake for her new friend.

“You thought you could hide from me?” A deep voice said from behind them. She didn’t know how many surprises she could handle for the night. But this time she knew it wasn’t him. If it was the Duke, she would have recognized his voice immediately.

“Trevor, I am always closest to the food. You knew exactly where I was going to be this evening,” Chris acted in disinterest.

“Chris, dance with me,” He presented his hand, and upon realizing she hadn’t been alone, he motioned his hand over to Lara Jean, “Forgive my ill manner. I am Trevor Pike, Viscount of Bainbridge.”

“Lara Jean Covey,” She curtsied and he placed a light kiss on her gloved hand.

“Only men could create the social rule that women mustn’t reject a gentleman’s offer to dance,” Chris grumbled, “If you step on my toes even once, Trevor, I shall strike you with me coiffure! I do not care what society thinks!”

He only seemed to chuckle at her threat, which gave Lara Jean the impression that this couple were very well acquainted with each other. Chris left their table with a grimace, which left Lara Jean in stitches of laughter. Chris may have displayed disinterest in the request, but as she watched them dance she looked like she was having a magnificent time.

Lara Jean looked at her empty dance card and sighed. Now that she was alone again she had more time to think about how to smoothly avoid Lord Kavinsky. She actually hadn’t seen him all night, so maybe her plan was working. 

Some time had passed, and so had another glass of champagne. She made a decision that probably wasn’t a good idea at all, but she had been four...five...or maybe six glasses deep into champagne, and it was only growing more attractive by the second. She walked in what she believed was a normal walk, and made her way to a hallway outside. Lara Jean decided she was going to recover the letter herself. She hadn’t been here for a few years, but this hallway became vaguely familiar. She pressed an ear against the first door and when she heard nothing, she slowly opened it to find a bed room. She slowly closed the door and began to do this to every room down this hall. Clearly, she was on the wing of the estate that held the guest chambers for the patrons who needed to stay overnight after the ball. She found guest chambers, the library, and even a closet at some point and she was beginning to lose hope in her plan. It had been early enough in the night that no one would have retired yet, but she didn’t want to accidentally run into a member of the staff. The ton may have been ruthless in their gossip, but the gossip between the staff was something completely apart. 

She’d come across a much larger room that held portraits of the family and other artwork. The portrait of Lady Kavinsky had been an accurate representation of her. It captured her elegance, and her authority perfectly. The portrait adjacent had been one of her, and her sons. Lord Kavinsky was barely a lord, and was only a child. His curly brown hair hadn’t seemed to change at all, but he definitely had grown. She wondered if their children would have curly brown hair as well. Or maybe they’d inherit her dark black hair, but it’d be curly like his. They both had brown eyes, but while Lara Jean’s was dark brown, his were Hazel. She smiled at the thought of their curly haired children with hazel eyes.

_NO!_

She shook her head frantically as if she were shaking the thoughts right out of her head. She sat on the fountain and kept her eyes closed trying to control her thoughts. Taking a couple of deep breaths, she settled her racing heart, but couldn’t control the warmth of her cheeks.

“I’m happy to see that you’ve recovered from your stint in the rain.” She didn’t need any time at all to think about who was speaking beside her. Lord Kavinsky’s voice could melt her with the right words. If it wasn’t for her utmost embarrassment for being found in the garden yet again, she was positive she would disintegrate in her seat.“It’s quite romantic, isn’t it? I should have known that I would find you here.”

Her eyes were still shut, and as if she could refuse the reality that was right in front of her face. She debated asking about the letter outright, or if she should hint to it till he admitted it himself. She didn’t want to have to deal with the follow up questions he would undoubtedly ask if he hadn’t received it. But the likelihood that he hadn’t received it was too small of a possibility.

“What exactly are you thinking about as you try to escape this moment?” He teased, “Or are you reliving our last moments in this exact spot?”

“You just love to torture me, don’t you, your grace?” She gritted her teeth and kept her eyes shut. Her breathing slowed, but her heart raced.

“I think you should begin calling me by my given name, don’t you agree?” Peter took a seat beside her on the fountain and patiently crossed his legs as if he planned to be there all night.

She ignored him and scooted herself in the opposite direction, putting more space between them.

“After that night, I practiced saying your name aloud and it felt all too natural on my lips,” He quoted her letter and the realization sank into her stomach and made her want to vomit. His tone had been teasing but his reactions flipped the moment he saw hers.

_Oh God_

Lara Jean’s eyes shot open and it looked like he moved closer to her disregarding her attempts to scoot away. She pressed a hand to her chest, her breathing was hard and her heart was racing. It was as if she couldn’t breath fast enough. She was so embarrassed and ashamed, and all her emotions had come crashing down on her in that one moment. She hadn’t expected to react this way at all. Her tears began to come down and they couldn’t be stopped. She stood up looking around, but she didn’t know where else to go. For once, she couldn’t escape the moment.

He saw her tears and her heavy breathing and knew exactly what to do. He placed his hands in the cold water of the fountain and threw his wrists letting the excess water fall off. He placed his now cold hands on her cheeks.

“You must take deep breaths, Ms. Covey.” He urged keeping his eyes on hers, “In...Out...In...Yes like that...”

She held onto his wrists that held her face, and she followed his instruction. She couldn’t understand why this was helping, but his cool hands helped ground her again. Her mother would encourage her breathing when she’d have these fits as a child. They hadn’t happened often but when she did, her mother kept her grounded, like Lord Kavinsky was doing now.

“You...Have..My...Letter,” She said between breaths and sniffles. His cold hands had eased her more than she expected and her breaths were still heavy. They were finally steady after a few moments.

“It was addressed to me, so I believe the letter is mine,” he replied cheekily, and changed tones once he captured her glare, “Am I wrong?”

She sat back down and his hands left her face. She placed a hand on her forehead, and almost began to cry again. Her most personal writing had been sent out and he’d read it. The wicked things she wrote...the use of his given name as if they had ever been familiar! 

_Oh God._

“Please don’t cry again,” He asked of her, “I apologize, I only meant to tease.”

“What are you going to do with my letter?” She asked hesitantly.

“I haven’t decided yet, but you can rest assured your wicked little secret is safe with me,” He smirked.

“I wrote it years ago. You must know that I no longer feel…” Another wave of cringing embarrassment ran through her as she was reminded just _how_ she felt that night. “That way.”

“Even so, I’d still like to keep it.” He said with an irresistibly devastating grin. He was absolutely enjoying this and he was not trying to hide it.

“This has been such a mess. I have no idea how those letters got out. First Josh, now you!” She looked away hastily and moved restlessly.

“I wasn’t the only one who received a letter?” He was completely baffled, and almost offended. 

“Unfortunately, not,“ She sighed in frustration, “You were the second letter I wrote.”

“So, you shall be hearing from your collection of lovers I assume?” He regarded her with a tinge of annoyance.  
“You could hardly call them ‘love affairs’. All my endeavors have been completely one sided.” She didn’t seem to notice his attitude change. “Except that one of them was a close friend of the family. ”

“Who is he?” He asked most curiously. The lady found herself in an incredible debacle and he found becoming more and more involved. 

“Mr. Josh Sanderson,” She released a deeper sigh, “He’s the teacher at the schoolhouse by the water. Not only is he a friend of the family, but he was in love with my sister. That is to say, they were in love with each other.”

She almost felt relieved to have confessed her situation to someone. Keeping the secret from her family caused her a terrible amount of stress these past few weeks.

When he didn’t respond right away, she continued, “She’s now married to the Earl of Newbrugh in Scotland. Margot was always more practical, and stronger than me. For I could never make such a decision like that.”

“And was your letter as...appealing as mine?” She blushed at his reference to the yearning nature of her letter. 

“His letter doesn’t cause me as much embarrassment as yours does, but that’s not the problem at hand.”

“Then what is?” His tone was calm but her frustrations grew as he continued to push her with his curiosity.

“He’s asked for my hand in marriage, but I cannot marry him. He doesn't love me, he loves my sister.”

“You said you wouldn’t marry for anything less than love. Do you love him?” 

“That’s not the point. He will always love my sister first, and I could never do that to her.” She spoke defensively.

“I am curious as to whether your denying his proposal has more to do with him not loving you, or your loyalty to your sister?”

“It’s both!”

“But one sure does weigh heavier than the other, doesn’t it?” He argued, “And if Mr. Sanderson did indeed find himself deeply in love with you, you would say yes, regardless of your sister’s previous relationship with him?”

She gritted her teeth in annoyance to his pandering, but she couldn’t help but admit it to herself. She would be more likely to say yes to him, if that were the case. But it's not, so there was no use in thinking of that as a possibility.

“I think I’d like to go back inside now,” Lara Jean stated, and he nodded in agreement. He had regretted pushing her, but he also couldn’t help his curiosity. Lara Jean was quite possibly the strangest, most scatter brained woman he’d ever met. But he wanted to know everything about her.

Lara Jean had been upset that her letter was not retrieved, but was comforted just a little bit that he wouldn’t immediately expose her. She had no reason to trust him, but she also didn’t have a reason not to. They both walked back into the building. The halls were still empty and quiet. They walked together with only the sound of their footsteps echoing in the hallway.

“My mother seems to have kept the staff busy, since no one has seemed to have been in these halls for a longtime, “He observed, and she was thankful for the change in subject.

“I met your mother tonight,” Lara Jean mentioned, “She’s quite lovely.”

“Next time you see her, please occupy her with your presence. She has been shoving debutantes my way all night,” He said tired.

“You _are_ due for a wife,” She said teasingly.

“I still have many bachelor years remaining,” He chuckled, “And I plan to utilize every one of them.”

Suddenly they heard approaching voices and the volume of quick steps only getting louder. He quickly pulled Lara Jean against him and held her against his chest in the darkest corner of the nearest doorway. They both heard laughing and giggling coming down the hall. Lord Kavinsky kept them well hidden in the corner. He was now holding her body against a wall. Their height difference became more noticeable as she placed her head against his chest. She clung onto the front of his jacket. His shoulders were incredibly broad. She could compare them to a horizon. He completely covered her in that space. He had been facing her, and their breaths were even starting to sync.

The giggling had been coming from a couple who seemed to be fooling around in the hall turning towards them. Their voices were approaching and had even passed where they hid. Wet smacking sounds echoed between giggles, and Lara Jean only became more conscious of his breathing. It was very evident this couple was engaging in very scandalous behavior.

“You must lower your voice,” The man whispered loudly.

“You didn’t have such demands in my family’s library,” She whispered lasciviously.

“We’re going to have to do something about that smart mouth of yours,” He growled, and the couple shared an urgent but passionate kiss, “I can’t seem to get enough of you.”

He began pushing her skirts up, but she stopped his hands immediately.

“Not here, you animal! The last thing I want is to be forced to become Lady Christine Pike,” She said her name in the poshest accent. 

Lara Jean gasped as she realized who the couple were, and Peter quickly covered her mouth with his hand. He pressed himself closer to her as if that would conceal them even more. She could feel the outline of his member against her, and it had twitched as she attempted to adjust her stance.

“Please...remain still,” Peter whispered wryly in her ear. She felt the brushes of his lips against her ear and shivers ran down her body. She was sure that he felt it too. This night was giving her enough embarrassment to last a lifetime.

“Did you hear that?” Chris asked.

“Come,” He directed as he took her hand and led her into the nearest guest chambers.

“That’s exactly what I plan on doing,” She said right before the door shut.

Lord Kavinsky took one more look behind him making sure the halls were empty again. He removed his body from hers and they both felt more aware of their bodies than before. 

_Devils teeth!_ He wanted to kiss the woman. Her body had fit perfectly against his, and while they were close, he couldn’t help but be aware of just how easily the layers of clothes could be removed before they were skin to skin.

“They were lucky it was only us who witnessed them,” Lord Kavinsky said. She was impressed with his decision to keep the couple a secret. Lara Jean was appalled at the scandal that could have arisen if anyone other than her and Lord Kavinsky were present. She knew better than to ever say it a word. She knew it was none of her business, but couldn’t help but be curious about her lifestyle. 

“Are you well acquainted with Lord Pike and Ms. Donati?”

“Lord Pike and I have been good friends since our school days,” He informed her, “Though however scandalous their situation, it is none of my business.”

As they neared the entrance, the voices of the crowds and the music had increased in volume.

“We are not too far from the ballroom, your grace. We should make our entrances at different times to not arouse suspicion.”

“I’d appreciate it if you’d call me by my given name now,” His tone was more friendly this time.

“That would not be appropriate,” She stated, “Please allow time before reentering. I shall go back in first.”

Lara Jean walked back into the ball and nothing had changed and it didn’t seem like many people had noticed her disappearance either. Except for maybe…

“Lara Jean!” Her sister Kitty had looked all kinds of excited as she held her dear sister in an ecstatic embrace, ‘I’m having such a fantastic time. Look at my dance card!”

She presented her fully filled out dance card, and she tucked her empty one in her sleeve.

“That’s wonderful, Kitty. I’m so happy to see you’re having a good time.”

“She shared two dances with the younger Lord Kavinsky!” Ms. Rothschild said excitedly, “She was quite taken with him.”

“He was the only one who had an opinion on the invention of the stethoscope!” Kitty said excitedly, “If I hear ‘your dress is exquisite’ one more time, Lara Jean, I promise I shall combust and you will each have to take a piece of my body home.”

Lara Jean rolled her eyes at Kitty’s dramatics, and allowed Mrs. Rothschild to scold her for using such language. They sat together and Lara Jean listened to her observations and opinions on each gentleman she’d danced with. Kitty had thick enough skin to deal with the judgements of the ton, and though some of her criticisms were harsh, they were enamored by her. The men found her bubbly and charming but completely overlooked her intelligence.

“I have yet to see you on the dance floor,” Kitty realized, “I can introduce you to a gentleman who would be very eager to dance with you. Though I cannot guarantee their personality is all that attractive.”

“No, thank you, Kitty,” She grimaced. God, the last thing she wanted was her younger sister to introduce her to a gentleman. She had just never been asked. Maybe tonight she would have if she hadn’t spent all night in a corner, or hidden in a garden, but maybe tonight just wasn’t her night. She suddenly became more aware of the empty dance card tucked in her sleeve.

Suddenly Kitty began pointing behind her and Lara Jean turned around tiredly.

“I’d be delighted if you honored me with a dance, Ms.Covey,” Lord Kavinsky offered his arm to her. This was his first dance of the night, and he had chosen to share it with a messy wallflower. There was no use in even thinking about rejecting him. This probably was not the last time she’d encounter Lord Peter Kavinsky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay in updates! It has been a crazy couple of weeks at work, which is where I do most of my writing. TBH it's more fun on the company's dime. This chapter is a bit longer, so I hope that makes up for it!
> 
> Let me know what you think!!


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